Aku insan yang alpa...

Mengheret sehingga ke hari ini…

Aku hanyut dengan cabaran duniawi,

Pelbagai kelalaian, keabaian tidak perihatin menyapa..

Pelbagai tomahan, fitnah dugaan menimpa..

Sibuk dengan urusan duniawi, sibuk dengan mencari kekayaan bumi

Sibuk dengan mencari erti kemewahan, tetapi aku lupa dengan Pencipta Ku…

Sibuk dengan mencari erti kegembiraan, tetapi daku lupa dengan Penghibur Ku...

Aku insan yang alpa, menerusuk ke dunia yang penuh keseronokan dunia,

kini aku sedari, perjuangan ini masih belum selesai..

masih banyak lagi tugas-tugas yang harus ku bebani

hutang-hutang ku harus ku bayar…

sedekah amal jariah yang harus ku terus sumbangkan…

bukan menambah dosa-dosa dibuai hawa nafsu serakah….

dewasa ini yang tertewas dengan hasutan syaitan….

kerana kealpaan pencipta Nya yang Menciptakannya…

Andai aku tiada didunia ini, ……….. teruskanlah perjuangan ini.. demi agama ini.

Things happen...

these are things that I could not tell you;
things that remind me of you when I want nothing more than to forget;
things that have gone wrong;
things that have gone right;
things that will never happen;
things that are your fault,
my fault,
the faults of no one;
these are things that we did not do and will not let go of

Seperti kalian

Kalian..
kalian..
kalian..

Bukan niat ku hendak menipu...
hati ini ikhlas...
daku tidak menidakkan apa yang kalian nyatakan..
semuanya hanya permainan kata-kata..
terserah pada kalian untuk pentafsirkannya.
cuma belum masanya dunia ini mengetahuinya...
Apa yang ingin dipastikan oleh kalian?
apa yang boleh membawa perbezaannya itu nanti..

Hidupku..
Adakah diri ini menjadi halangan kepada kalian?
Hidupku..
Adakah diri ini menjadi bahan yang tidak berguna kepada kalian?
Hidupku..
Adakah diri ini tidak layak untuk berbahagia seperti kalian?

I close my eyes, I see you..

God gave me the gift of memory

that I might close my eyes and see

the ones I love, and who love me..... :)

Kacak. Senyum ye kacak? Kacak punya saya. ghee~ :)

Sampaikan.....

Angin...
jika kau berhembus lembut melaluinya...
katakan padanya aku teman dia selamanya...

Air...
jika kau mengalir disisinya...
beritahulah padanya aku memohon maaf atas segalanya...

Burung...
jika kau terbang melintasinya...
sampaikan kataku ini padanya...
kita dipertemukan atas kisah persaudaraan...
kita dipisahkan kerana batas seharian..
namun ukhuwwah kita subur berpanjangan...
malah dirimu tidak pernah ku tinggalkan...
meski kita jarang bersua...
tapi doa yang ku panjatkan untukmu sentiasa terangkai dalam satu jambangan...
malah harumnya tersebar untuk insan bernama teman...
semoga dirimu mekar dalam bimbingan cinta ILLAHI..

***Untuk kamu Ajon Yunus :)

Treasures

I’m thankful for the beautiful people
in the world like you.

Beautiful faces are those that wear
a friendly smile that say, “I care.”

Beautiful eyes are those that show
the kindness and warmth that glows below

Beautiful lips utter kindly words
that so the the soul like the songs of birds.

Beautiful people touch and bless

they inspire hope and happiness.

You will always be wonderful to me.
No perfection's so hard to find as that which you extend
And none I'll ever treasure more,
Than to simply be my true self and be your friend.

Dedicated to:

• MPP Family (Along Ooi Kwan Hua, Akak Maryam, Angah Fatin, Abang Syeikh Jamil, Alang Salman, Anjang Nazirah, Che Di Zul, Andak Mogan, Achik Hanis, Ude Zaidatul, Awe Said, Ayie Jeffry, Ucu Shahir, Che Zu Zulaikha and Adik Nabil)
• FSKKP (Ramai sangat.. Hamsa, Ah Yaw, Ah Siong, Along, Lulu, Shady, Mcna, Alin, Nid, Tyco, Jacklyn and the list goes on...)
  
• Suksis Peeps (Nursyazwana, Nazumi, Khidir, Kak Long Eilah, Mohd Zahari, Asrol Adnan, Nurul Adnan, Hanum Surya)
• MediaLab Peeps (Muhaimin, Huzairi, Suryanizam, Khalis, Nazar, Syafwan)
• 4B (Adik beradik Malik, Abg Shahril, Abg Shahar, Abg Zafry, Hafizi, Syukri, Sabir, Atikah, Hidayah)
• Smart & SPA ( John Kumbang, Komandor, Abg Jep, Amoi, Iejan, Aemy)
  
• KMK (Wan Nadia Farhana, Asba Madzida, Afiza Azmi, Puteri Amalina, Nur Hidayah Mohamed, Mohd Zhafri Faiq)
• UMP (Dayang Rafiqa, Nurfadzillah Hanis, Nor Ashura Razak, Aisyah Azmi, Jacklyn Lim, Syafarah Zakaria, Nur Dianaty, Che Zu , Kak Zizah, Kak Fauziah, Sakinah Aziz, Adam Malik, Azeem Ong, Hamsarajan Logananthan - My beloved Panda Daddy, Toh Chin Lai aka Muhammad Zulfahmi, Wan Huzaifi, Nik Fadzrul, Mohd Zairie - My dearie shorty.

*** Thank you for the journey of life with me. You guys are my Nadi. :)

No approval.. No answer..

Oh Yeah!

Terlalu takut untuk memutuskannya ya..
Tapi kamu tetap tidak mampu mengatasinya
Dan saya tetap akan terus menulis berjuta kata..
Walaupun semuanya tidak kesampaian..

Kadang kala lubang yang kamu bolos itu terlalu banyak
Dan lebih besar dari yang kelihatan
Kamu cuba dan memilih untuk menyembunyikannya
Tetapi saya lebih hanya membiarkannya..

Jadi saya akan meleraikan kamu..
Kamu serabut, saya juga serabut, dia juga serabut
Belum tentu kamu dapat menenangkan mana-mana
Kenapa kamu tak jawab?
Kegantungan persoalan itu sungguh menikam

You really got me bad
I'm gonna get you back
The way it feels to be completely intertwined
It's not that I didn't know
It's not what I didn't feel
But it's what I didn't show

Say your faith is shaken
You may be mistaken to hiding it from me...
You keep me wide awake and waiting for the sun
I'm getting there
I don't care where I have to go

Slowly, what ever you are doing will be known..


I'm just going to wait till on the 2nd Wednesday of November or the 4th Wednesday of November to see how it goes. :)

Cebisan Perisai Pelindung Diri

"Kami bertawassul dengan nama Allah dan dengan petunjuk Rasulullah dan setiap orang yang arif mengenai Allah dan ahli Allah, Ya Allah. Ya Allah! Dengan perantaraan kaum yang mulia, cahaya hidayah, dengan perantaraan amalan kebaikan mereka, kami selamat dari setiap malapetaka dengan kekuatanMu, ya Allah"

Melodi kasih

Syair Si Pari - Pari - Zamani

Lara... kian parah merusuh dada

Terpintas litar ku terasa

Sepi... Nadi menjerit dan membunyi

Lenyap damai tanpamu

Masa.. tersimpul di alam yang kelam..

Olak - alih arah tujunya...

Hanya... hanya zahirmu kan bisa

meleraikan segala -galanya

Dibawah sinaran ungu

Kau persembahkan syairmu untukku

Gemalai tarimu bagai

sang pari - pari turun ke bumi..

Menjelmalah kau dari maya

Hiburkanlah hatiku gundah

Jangan biarkan aku..... keliru

Memburu...dirimu..

Masih berlegar di antara mimpi..

Bagai nyata kau hadir dan bersenda

Telah kuhulurkan kasihku padamu...

Tak kau genggam jiwaku yang tercengkam..

Aku...yang tersesksa...

Dan menantikan mu...

Melodi kasih dikala ini....

Allah itu Maha Adil dan Maha Pelindung.

Sesungguhnya hati yang ikhlas akan sentiasa dilindungi walaupun dicuba dinoda.

Dialah Maha Pertunjuk.

Walaupun kamu tidak menyatakan..

Namun dengan kuasaNya, akhirnya kesilapanmu nyata..

Yang Allah Tuhan Penenang Hati.. Bantulah dan peliharalah hambamu ini. Tiada Tuhan yang berhak disembah melainkan diriMu. KepadaMu ku berserah diri dan Engkaulah yang mempunyai Arasy yang terbesar. Ya Allah, limpahkanlah kesabaran ke atas kami dan tetapkanlah pendirian kami dan bantulah kami akan golongan yang mengingkari.

Mungkin gangguan kesihatan pada hari ini adalah salah satu nikmatMu bagi mengembalikan kepatuhanku padaMu. Sesungguhnya Allah, daku redha akan ujianMu. Maka kuatkanlah daku dan tabahkanlah diriku dibawah lembayung cintaMu, Allah. :)

Take me somewhere

It's Monday morning...
and it's already 7am..
and I still have not ready for work..

It is not that I feel lazy for work..
But I'm feeling heavy and feeling like need someone to take me somewhere..
Please....
Someone..
Anyone...
Take me...
Make me fly..
Somewhere...
Anywhere...
I got all things messed up..
:|
Did I?
Did I not?
Did I say something wrong?
*Blank*

Harianku..

Dini hari ini….
Kutermangu dalam tenangku
Kedua tangan ini ku tadahkan
Kulantunkan untaian kata inginku
Deretan dosa kupaparkan
Kubiarkan butiran mutiara mengalir di relung wajahku
Kuharap sentuhan kasih-Nya
Kudamba ampunan dari-Nya

Pagi ini…
Sang suria menyapaku dengan senyumnya
Di ingiringin gerimis dan bayu..
Api semangat membara dalam jiwaku
Kan kulukis kanvas hari ini
Dengan kuas warna penuh cinta

Siang ini…
Peluh mulai membasahi ragaku
Telah kutulis sekelumit episod hari ini
Meski terkadang hanya selonggok kisah tak bermakna

Senja ini…
Ketika benang-benang jingga merajutnya
Ketika burung-burung berangsur kembali ke peraduannya
Syukurku ya Rabbi…
Jantungku masih berentak sampai detik ini

Malam ini…
Saat bintang tersenyum menatapku
Ku lelapkan dalam mati kecilku
Esok ku kan dihadapkan pada misteri-Nya
Masih hidupkah
atau
Tak bernyawakah..

When I Fall In Love

This is what Celion Dion said...

When I fall in love,
it will be forever,
or I'll never fall in love.
In a restless world,
like this is love is ended before its begun
and too many moonlight kisses
seem to cool in the warmth of the sun.

When I give my heart
it will be completely
or I'll never give my heart,
or let me give my heart
And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too
is when I'll fall in love
with you...

And this is what H.I.M said..

Loves the funeral of hearts,
And an ode for cruelty,
When angels cry blood
On flowers of evils in blooms
And a plea of mercy,
When love is a gun separating me and you..


So, how now? what is next? =)

Mentari

Sang mentari walaupun tak menjanjikan kepanasan tetapi tetap menjanjikan kecerahan.
Kuberharap hatiku kan secerah mentari bisa menerangi hati hati yang sunyi
Membangunkan jiwa jiwa yang sepi..
Mendung di hati semendung jua diluar.
Gerimis diluar nampak dimata..
gerimis dihati menenggelamkan hati
Tak berasa apa dalam debu dan angin dahaga untuk memiliki terus menggigit..
Biar ia bersinar kemilauan kerana esok tiada yang tahu kalau mentari bermuram durja..
Seufuk mentari kupahat sebagai cokmar
Dengan kata kata yang merangkum sejumlah rindu dan hangat dakapan.
Aku bukanlah penyair, apalagi langit senja.
Tetapi, dari setiap kata yang kumiliki, kuciptakan sinaran yang indah.
Kilauan mentari menari di antara genangan jingga..
Lalu malam menerkam jejak pada si alam
Akhirnya hanyut bersama kelam
Malam datang dengan menggenggam rembulan
menyiapkan tempat kita saling memandang
lembaran bintang - bintang yang ada di mata kita sehingga kembalinya mentari...

The point of having you?

I'm supposed to be heading to K.Lipis with Eilah.
But it got canceled since Mak is here in KL.
So as usually I check my mail box and then FB.

Something that I read.
Something that I really see.
I'm digging more and more.
Trying to look for the honesty again.

Though I was awarded as Nadi Negara,
I think..
It's just my thought..
I think.. I dah tersalah berdenyut at jantung someone.
Here we go again..
am I just a stop..?
That Jantung has its own nadi..
Nadi that always be wanting to support the Jantung very much..

Am I interrupting something?
Should I give up?
No.. I'm not giving up..
but I'm not sure either whether I'm the choosing the right nadi for the Jantung?
How do I know the Jantung is not impulsing with that nadi?

Perhaps I will just be me and keep my heart still with me. :)
Again..
I am not giving up..
but what is the point having someone where there is somebody is waiting for someone and somebody knows it.
Someone just cannot be someone special to everybody.
I want to see happiness around me.
I do not want to see people sad because of me.
I do not want to see people despair because of me.
Let them put the smile..

I will be fine..
because I'm used of it.
and I know I'm strong to go through it. :)
I will just put up the smile. :)
Let the happiness be yours.
Mine will be soon and someday.
Which I was wishing it will be with that someone..

I wish for your honesty.

For you
I have a simple wish
Not unkind or otherwise
Just a wish for your entire life...
I wish you honesty.

Honesty
for you between your own heart and mind
And also the hearts and minds of others...
I'll wish that you believe what you hear yourself say
And trust that others will do the same ...

For you,
your acts will admonish your thoughts
If what you say is really what you feel ...
In years to pass I shall remember
My honesty to you and yours to me

I shall wonder if you were honest with me ...
If I take long in deciding
I shall add together what it cost me
Honesty is free but priceless
So what we shared is beyond human value to me ...

If in your own mind
you believe you were not honest with me
We shall part as friends.

If in your own mind
you believe you are honest with me
I am yours...

Hidup itu pendakian

Ibarat melakukan pendakian
Jalan menuju puncak memang tak selalu mudah.
Akan ada batu cadas atau tebing curam yang mnghadang!
Akan tetapi, setelah sampai di puncak akan tergantikan dengan hamparan awan yang luar biasa indahnya, bunga-bunga edelweis yang merona,
hembusan bayu yang sejukkan jiwa,
dan senyum mentari hangatkan hati!
Allahu Akbar!!!

Lelah letih telah berlalu
Pendakian kian kabur..
Kembali ke lereng hutan rimba
dilepas oleh doa-doa pertemuan..
syair-syair yang diucapkan oleh gulita malam
senantiasa menyajikan mimpi yang Maha Kuasa
Menghargai kehidupan..
Segala kurnia yang terasa
Berzikir sepenuh jiwa..
Subahanallah Alhamdulillah!!

Getaran

Semakin hari, semakin menghampirinya.
Semakin itu juga dapat daku rasakan ada hati lain yang sedang terluka.
Hati lain yang juga inginkannya.
Hati lain yang bersaing..
Membuatkan diriku terasa hanya persinggahannya.
Kerana?
Kerana....
ada ayat-ayat dipatah-patahkan..
ada kata- kata tidak tersahut..
Ada ungkapan tidak terbalas.
Namun kasih yang tersemai telah menimbulkan kemesraan..
Perasaanku tetap berbaur.
Masih lagi meragui dan tidak menyakinkan
Namun semalam...
setelah sayupan suaranya berlalu,
dikala daku telah pun hanyut dikalam mimpi...
satu perasaan timbul dibenakku..
daku takut...
takut akan kehilangannya..
apakah ini?
adakah getaran ini dinamakan ......
*blank*
hanya mampu diungkapkannya..

Happy day or Confusing day?

Convocation day?
Woot woot!
yeah!
It is the celebration..
as well as the mixture of feeling.
Too fast.
Limited.
Unsatisfactory.
I am happy my parents came...
but.....
I was divided...
Them and they..
Unfulfillable.
Left alone...
So it was not really an happy day.. :)

When I forgot Them..

There were a lot of things happened to me and people around me lately.

*Hurm...*

Trillion of words are juggling around in my mind at the moment until I couldn't manage to catch any to type down here.

I've been forgetting about Him and He lately.

To Him...
I forgot to thank Him for letting me have a wonderful long day.
I forgot to thank Him for giving me another day to live.
I forgot to wish Him to be in His guidance every seconds, minutes, hours and days.
I forgot to wish Him to bless my day in my work.
I forgot Allah.

To He...
I forgot His much of His love to His ummah..
I forgot His preach..
I forgot to wish His blessing everyday and night.
I forgot how His wants His followers to be..
I forgot Rasulullah.

When I forgot Them, I know They always remember me.
They send me a lot of obstacles to remind me.
To wake me up.
To make realize.

Nothing else I can do except for crying of gratefulness to Them.

I got offended when people call me Ustazah.
Because I do not want to be called that.

I got offended when people call me Social Girl.
Because I do not want to be called that.

I got offended when people call me Stylo.
Because I do not want to be called that.

I got offended when people call me Fashion Destroyer.
Because I do not want to be called that.

Because I do not want to be called THOSE, I've forgotten who have created as I am.
Because I do not want to be called THOSE, I've became someone uncomfortable.
Because I do not want to be called THOSE, Ive changed.
I am different from myself because I'm not strong and bold enough to be called THOSE.
Since I'm not strong and bold enough to be called THOSE I've forgotten Them.

Ya Allah and Rasulullah, I am such a disgrace follower and yet You are the most I love. I pray and wish please let my heart clean so that my heart qualifies to love you, Allah and Rasulullah as much as You love Your umat.

Wonderful People

Each single person who I know...

Each single person who know me...

You

She

He

They...

ALL..

Are very wonderful to me.

No matter what bad things they have said and done to me, those people are still wonderful because I learn a lot of things from each single person I know and i treasure it.

Thank you for all the colors in my life. =)

23 year-old promises!

Okay...

This is my mission list for new 23year-old starting from 22nd July 2010 (9 Sha'aban 1431)

1. No more buying new clothes till end of 2010
2. No more spending more than RM 300 per month for own satisfaction.
3. Manage own income properly. GET AN ACCOUNT BOOK!
4. Pray 5 times in a day ON TIME. NO DELAY!
5. Fasting every Thursday.
6. Sleep before 12am and no more sleeping after Subuh.
7. Jog/ Swimming / Gym every morning on Sunday, Evening on Wednesday and Friday at least 15minutes.
8. Read Al -Quran every Zohor.
9. Learn to improve English everyday by reading, speaking and writing.
10. Read a book in a week and learn new 2 words in a day.
11. Cut down ALL OUTDOORS activities. Make it limited.
12. Have a "List To DO". GET AN ORGANIZER
13. Make a life schedule.
14. Learn how to cook at least once a week!
15. Learn how to sew!
16. Keep in touch with each of wonderful people.
17. Be more loving and caring person
18. Be more patience. NO MORE SCREAMING & LOUD VOICE.
19. SMILE MORE!
20. Spend not more than 2 hours on Facebook.
21. Get a job that I really like and really want to do by October.
22. Keep myself neat and presentable.
23. Get to know myself!

I hope I can always keep all these in mind.. Insya Allah..yeah!!

Spending!

Wuarrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I thought I will be different from all the women out there!

I've told myself not to spend on unnecessarily things..

But there you go again.

What is wrong with me this year?!

For more than half a year I've been spending like a hell.

Let me see here what did I get for myself this year..

* Shoes, Watch, Specs, Clothes, Pants, Tudung, Sewing Machine and now..a phone????

THAT SHOULD BE ENOUGH FOR YOU EMMA SOFIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*You are not working and not earning any money yet!*

Huargghh!! Since when I become shopaholic ????

I thought and still remember that I hate shopping and spending soooo much!

But look at me now!

God! Help me please!

I have 24 pairs of shoes already and 4 full wardrobes!

No more please...

**Yes!

But WHY ON EARTH DID YOU BUY THE SEWING MACHINE AND A NEW HANDPHONE??**

errrrr..... for the sewing machine? errm.. I thought I will be able to be more ladylike who can stay at home be creative as well as earn some money but then I end up become so lazy and my brain is dead, where and then I realize that I am more an outdoor person.

Therefore, with the money left, I went and bought a phone for myself own satisfaction i guess.. hehe

**STUPID GIRL!! YOU KNOW THAT IS TOO MUCH!! The money can be used for something else!! **

Indeed!! I am sssooooo sorry! I regret it! huhuhu

p/s : This is what happened when your iman in so lemah, godaan syaitan makin melampau - lampau!

July 10'

It is not only about July..

I think throughout of 23 years of living until at this very moment..

I do feel great of myself..

And I am grateful! Alhamdulillah

Yeah..

People always say that life is suck..

To me, so what? That is your life. You, yourself choose what kind of life you live in.

My life is wonderful and colorful because of I'm grateful to have all the wonderful people around me.

I find a lot of people feel jealous with me.

Why should you feel jealous with me?

You shouldn't, you know.

I come from very broken family but yet their are people who I cannot live without.

I am not wealthy like some of you guys who can afford to have anything you like.

I am not healthy as most of you guys thought that I am.

I am not happy all the time as most of you guys seen.

I don't really have people all around me all the time.

That is why I teach myself not to be jealous wit

That is why most of you guys fall in to my illusionary.

To say it is fake? No it is not.

Because that is how wonderful my life is.

To me, whatever trouble and problem, that are what the crayon and water color of life.

Whatever the happiness and laugh, that are the color pencil and magic color of lfe.

And whatever the luck and miracle happen, that are the paint and Adobe Photoshop of life.

Therefore, use our own creativity to frame of picture of life.

Ok. That is very long of crap.

What I was about to say is, this July is the most memorable July in my life :)

and I'm flying high! yeah yeah!

p/s : Percentage of my iman is dropping down. Sigh!

After a while

Back at my own space!

yeah!

My father asks me to start to write again..

He even gave a tip how to have a good writing.

Dang!

Well, my brain is still not functioning..

Still need the screwdriver and hammer to fix it..

A lot of things are running around in my brain at the moment..

and it is messed up!

Really need make it organized.

Okay. Anime time..

Going to catch Luffy darling!

Adios. Taaraaa~